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The Value of a Personal Growth Retreat

by Barbara Findeisen

There comes a time in many of our lives when we feel that the burden of everyday living is too much to handle. This time may come when we experience a loss through a death or divorce, when we feel burned-out from stress overload, when we achieve sobriety, or simply as we grow and change in relationship to ourselves and others.

When we are faced with these challenges, oftentimes fear, depression, and helplessness can set in. Where can one go to feel safe and be taken care of in the midst of such personal crises? Many times we tend to ignore or neglect ourselves, thinking that at some point these feelings will go away. It is essential for us to understand that these feelings do not go away. They may retreat from the surface for awhile, but inevitably they rear their ugly heads in a variety of ways, usually destructive ways.

At times like this, it is sometimes helpful to remove ourselves from our immediate surrounding and "get away." While removing ourselves is the first step in gaining a fresh perspective, we often need something more. We may need help processing the feelings that often emerge as a result of being separated from our daily distractions.

It can be very helpful to have a witness who will support us through our process, whether we are experiencing the effects of stress, going through the grieving process, dealing with repressed anger, or trying to understand the patterns that may no longer serve to help us in our adult lives. Are there places where we can go on "retreat" and also have professional help in dealing with our painful issues? The answer is yes, and we can find such a combination on a "personal growth retreat."

The idea of therapy in a retreat setting may at first seem contradictory. Therapy is hard work; going on retreat is supposed to be relaxing. But a retreat environment provides an ideal sanctuary to address deep personal wounds. The natural healing powers of a peaceful setting, combined with therapeutic assistance provide a unique and powerful opportunity for healing.

A personal growth retreat offers added dimensions not found in traditional therapy. Psychotherapy, as it is conducted in the vast majority of professional settings, is limiting in a number of ways. Therapy is usually conducted in an office setting under the guidelines of time, space, and noise restrictions. When psychotherapy is conducted in a retreat setting, the limitations found in an office setting are virtually eliminated.

One of the most common complaints about conventional therapy is the time restriction. As a colleague of mine once said, "You actually only have 35 minutes in which to do therapy. The first 10 minutes is a check-in, and the last 10 minutes is used for closing and preparing to re-enter." This is often not enough time, particularly if there are painful emotional memories emerging. Clients then have to contain and control themselves in order to perform the most basic tasks: driving on the freeway or returning to work or school.

In a retreat setting, there is no need to "get your act together" in order to go to meals or walk around the property. The responsibilities that usually require us to repress our feelings are taken away, leaving us free to immerse ourselves in our process. There is no driving to get from one place to another, and meals are cooked and served for you. It is a given that clients may be in their process at any time. Tear-stained faces in the dining room are not judged. There is time and space to simply "be."

Space is also a limitation in professional offices. Beautiful furnishings, art objects, and the accompanying ambience of "this is a grown-up space, behave yourself" do not encourage a hurt, inner child to cry, or an angry person to freely release his/her anger. Many of our wounds and much of our pain come from childhood, where we were unable to openly express ourselves. What that wounded child does not need is another setting in which to "behave." Safe space is provided on personal growth retreats.

In office settings, there is also a limitation with respect to noise. You may express your anger, but quietly; you may cry, but not too loudly. It is difficult enough to finally express your feelings without being directly or indirectly "shushed." On personal growth retreats, noises of all kinds and unrestricted volume levels vibrating from therapy rooms are accepted as part of nature, just as there are the coyote cries from the surrounding hills.

The healing potential of retreats goes beyond the strict guidelines of traditional psychotherapy. There is an opportunity to work with a variety of professional therapists who all bring different perspectives to the healing process. By being exposed to myriad experiential modalities such as bodywork, art therapy, breathwork, and guided imagery, there is a unique opportunity to discover which best suit your needs.

The retreat experience also provides time and safety to integrate in many ways. Just having time to walk, to watch birds, to journal, to paint or sculpt are powerful ways to enrich and expand therapeutic gains and strengthen healing.

Granted, the majority of psychotherapy is conducted in an office under the usual guidelines, and it will continue to be that way. We have come to accept that this is the way therapy is provided in our society. However, what we have come to accept is not necessarily the ideal. It is important that we can, at times, experience what is ideal.

Whether in an office or in a retreat setting, the commitment to honor your Self is not easy; it involves taking time out and having the courage to address deep feelings that most of us would rather not feel. However, the by-products of this courageous act are power, freedom, and living more fully in the present.

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