Many people work on overcoming codependent behavior during a STAR intensive retreat. Some only realize how much their lives are consumed by taking care of or controlling others when they begin some of the exercises at STAR. Others arrive knowing that codependency is one of their major issues.
A codependent person looks outside of themselves for approval and self-esteem. They live through others around them, or for others. They attempt to control or fix others. When their caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent will begin attracting people needing caretaking. Even when considering themselves a martyr or victim, they still seek such relationships, unable to break the cycle.
A codependent person often denies their own feelings. They stop talking and trusting and eventually believe that this is normal. A codependent person also often denies his or her own needs. By not expressing their feelings, the codependent person becomes increasingly frustrated and depressed. They look outside of themselves and try to control what others think, feel, and do. This behavior leads to increased frustration and depression.
A codependent person often feels inadequate. They feel little personal power and lack a sense of self. They are often unaware that they have separate feelings and a separate reality from others. Due to a lack of personal boundaries, a codependent person often is not aware that someone is physically, emotionally, or intellectually violating them. Many codependent people remain in abusive situations until they become aware of their unhealthy patterns.
At a STAR retreat, we can help you overcome your codependent behavior. STAR addresses the underlying reasons for your codependency through looking at your childhood issues. Most codependents grew up in a dysfunctional family where problems were not acknowledged and emotions were repressed. Many grew up taking care of an emotionally or physically sick family member, sacrificing their own needs in the process.
STAR helps you see the results of the conditioning from your childhood. You are able to see the patterns that are creating unhealthy adult relationships—seeking approval from others, being scared by criticism, being a victim, being terrified of abandonment, confusing love and pity, being attracted to other compulsive personalities, and well-practiced stuffing of feelings, etc. With the support of an experienced staff, STAR also helps you to express those long-denied feelings.
Through STAR you have the powerful opportunity to rediscover yourself. The very effective Inner Child work throughout STAR allows you to reconnect with yourself and establish new, wiser ways of relating in your life, helping you to overcome your previously codependent behavior.
I definitely learned from STAR what it means to be co-dependent and
the tools to overcome the co-dependence. I also know now how to
quickly speak to my inner-child when I start to regress.
This helps me immensely. Thanks for everything STAR did for me,
it changed my life.
2004 graduate, 1 year after STAR
Also see:
Solutions for Low Self-esteem
Recovery as a Lifelong Process
Relationship Issues Help
The STAR Process
What Graduates Say about STAR Retreats
The Value of a Personal Growth Retreat
Frequently Asked Questions